CROSSING THE STREAMS

            I apparently am having trouble screwing.

        Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant it literally. The past couple days, I have been physically unable to screw things together or onto each other correctly. It started with the washing machine. I could not, for the life of me, get the debris trap screwed back in properly until I flipped the whole damn thing over and removed the fargcking assembly with the trap in it. The funny thing: neither could E. SHe tried a few times and had the same response: "I NEED TO WALK AWAY BEFORE I HIT THIS THING WITH A FRIGGIN HAMMER."
    I said "axe" but it's essentially the same response.
    Another example: the gas cap to my lawn mower. ARE YOU SERIOUS? After adding the Dry Gas to the tank, I tried to put the cap back on and the damn thing kept cross-threading. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? And the gas cap to the parts truck at work. And a simple fargcking bolt. And the fargcking hoses on the back of the new machine.
    WHAT. THE. GLOWING. NEON. FUCK.
    I'm not sure what category of brain fart that falls under. I really don't. It's one of those things you have to stand back and look at to appreciate: "I'm having difficulty chewing today." "Why?" "I don't know. My mouth doesn't want to function properly."
    Or...
   "I have this random twitch in my earlobe. It doesn't hurt, it's just...IRRITATING."
   Or...
    "For some reason my tongue isn't registering the flavor of pepper. It's the weirdest thing."
    It's a random malfunction somewhere in the Menial Task Zone of the brain. Like when you're walking and randomly trip, seemingly forgetting how to walk properly. Or when you accidentally almost drown yourself on your own saliva. C'mon, admit it, everyone's done it.Or when you try and block a sneeze and pop your ears and then you don't hear properly for like ten minutes and everything sounds hollow and far away.
    Or maybe that's just me.
    Anyhow. I'm hoping this random malfunction in my dexterity solves itself toute suite. I've been having nightmares about putting the lid back on the pickle jar and sending a plethora of Ba'Tampte screaming towards the floor, coating it in garlicky green brine that will NEVER quite come up properly...