Let’s do it again, one more time.
You’d think it would get repetitive. You’d think tedium would set in. No, not really. Reminiscing and looking back never really gets old, does it? It’s where we always go, it’s what everything is based on, all our entertainment is centered around looking into the past, even the recent past.
We have less than 48 hours left in 2013. Makes me think of RENT: How do you measure a year? Yes, I realize I’ve said it before. It’s the same thing every year though, isn’t it? What did we gain? What did we lose? Who left us? Who joined us? What changed? What stayed the same? What, who, where, why, when?
Huh?
People are born. People die. Alliances are built and destroyed, friendships forged and shattered, TV shows piloted and cancelled, experiences…experienced. This year for me, personally, is ending on a fairly sad note. Most of the year was pretty good. Lots of fun, sun, happiness, love, laughter. There was also strife, tears, stress… as in life in general, ups and downs, and fairly balanced. As the year was coming to a close, there was a quick, bright light, an optimistic opportunity towards which I still lean with hope… and then the darkness hit.
Otis was gone.
One of the brightest spots of my life, one of the reasons for everything I do, taken from me so quickly and unexpectedly. My head still spins, I still find myself crying when I think of his face and the texture of his fur and the smell of him… for nine years he was my Big Guy, lovey brindle, my OtisOtis. I’m not used to that couch being empty, and I instinctively wake up a couple times a night expecting him to be standing at the edge of the bed, tail wagging and barking his high-pitched “bitchbark” so he could go outside, pee, and hunt for PoopySnacks. Now, it’s just me, the beagle, and the two kitties.
I have all the memories. I have the sensation of him leaning against me, so happy to see me he would thrum and vibrate with excitement. I remember his smiling face after a happiness-fueled run around the back yard. I have his goofy grin during his daddy-doggy-walkie-time. I have the warmth from his body when I would rub his leathery belly.
I have the look of adoration every time I would run my fingers over him.
Now all the love I spread to my boys is being focused on the beagle. And that’s all it’s about, right? Giving life and remembering what’s worth remembering. That’s what this time of the year is for. LINKIN PARK: “The hardest part of ending is starting again.” SEMISONIC: “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
